Strange To Say the Least
by the-curse-of-angelica
Summary: A series of wacky oneshots abaout any Naruto characters I feel like. In the second one: Hinata likes to take embarrasing photos of a certain shinobi. and no it's not Naruto.
1. Makeout Paradise

**I fear I must have used up all of my creativity in the two pictures I drew today, so instead of adding to my other story I'm going with an idea my sister and I made up at 12:00 last night.**

**Disclaimer: Only a genius can write a story as awesome as Naruto, I am not a genius, therefore… (do the logic)**

It was early evening. Orochimaru and Sasuke were done with training for the day and were waiting for Kabuto to make dinner for them, so Sasuke decided to read a book. As you can imagine, Orochimaru's hideout didn't have much of a library. The only book Sasuke could find was a volume of Make-out Paradise that Jiraiya had sent to Orochimaru for Christmas. Sasuke could have sworn that Orochimaru said he threw it away, but apparently he had forgotten to. Sasuke sat down and started reading it.

He soon became engrossed in the book. It was the best thing he had ever read. The plot was intriguing, the dialogue was perfect, and he had to admit that it was also very humorous. Sasuke found very few things amusing, much less humorous. At one especially funny point in the story he even laughed. Sasuke laughed! Now that wasn't a sight that you see every day so of course Orochimaru had to ask.

"Sasuke-kun what are you reading there. It must be very good, you've been sitting there reading for almost an hour. Normally you would be all like, 'What's taking that idiot, Kabuto, so long. I'm going to go train some more.'"

Sasuke was a bit annoyed at the interruption, but glad to have someone to talk about the wonderful book he had found with, "I'm reading that make- out paradise book Jiraiya sent you. I had no idea your teammate was such a good writer, I always thought these books were just perverse pieces of crap directed at middle aged single men with no lives. Kakashi used to read these books all the time."

"Is that one Make-out Violence 3 ?" questioned Orochimaru with a smirk.

The smirk did not go unnoticed by Sasuke. He narrowed his eyes, "Yes, why?"

"I think you should know; it wasn't my old teammate who wrote that book Sasuke-kun."

"What, but I thought the toad sage wrote all of the make-out paradise series. Who wrote this one then?" He turned the cover over and his eyes almost popped out at what he saw (almost, because he's too cool for such an expression). The front cover read:

**Make-out Violence 3**

**By: Uzumaki Naruto **

His immediate response was to throw the book in the air and yell, "FIRE STYLE: FIRE BALL JUTSU!"

A huge ball of fire blew out of his mouth, incinerating the book in mid-air. He seemed to be in a daze as he watched the ashes of Make-out Violence 3 drift to the ground. Orochimaru watched the whole scene as if entranced.

"Amazing," he whispered, "Hey, Kabuto! Get the wieners!"

" Do you want the grill as well, Orochimaru-sama!" responded Kabuto from somewhere down the long hallway.

"No, we don't need that anymore!"

Meanwhile Sasuke was still staring at the ashes on the ground, "I forgot to read the ending first," he murmured shakily, "now I'll never know whether or not Kabu and Hansha got together in the end."

Kabuto got there with a pack of hotdogs and handed them to Orochimaru, "Here are the frankfurts you requested Orochimaru-sama."

" Now Sasuke!" Orochimaru threw the hotdogs up in the air. But, alas, Sasuke was still staring at the pile of ashes on the ground and didn't have enough time to produce another fireball before the uncooked hotdogs fell to the ground.

"What a waste," grumbled Kabuto before leaving the room.

"Remember to clean those up before you extinguish all the hall torches Kabuto!" Orochimaru yelled after Kabuto.

Kabuto wondered why the heck he had ever left Sasori. He was supposed to be a medical ninja, not a cook, and most definitely not a house maid.

Sasuke was twitching by now, " Must …know …ending." Then a light bulb appeared over his head. He immediately ran to his room and rummaged through the stuff he had brought with him when he left the leaf village. He found what he was looking for then ran to the phone. He debated over whether he should go through with his plan, but his need know the end of the story won out over the humiliation he would get by doing it. He glanced at the slip of paper in his hand and dialed the number.

Riiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg, rrriiiiiiiiinnnngggggg, "Hello, uh who is this?" said the person on the other line.

"uh-ehm, this is Orochimaru calling," said Sasuke in a deep, creeper voice, "would you be the author of Make-out Violence 3 ?"

"Sasuke? Sasuke! How've you been my old best friend? We've got a lot of catching up to do! Do you wanna go get some ramen next Tuesday? Oh wait, you're still living at that freak, Orochimaru's place. Why won't you come back dattebayo. You can't honestly—

"Make-out Violence 3 ! The ending! Now!" Sasuke growled having given up on the fake Orochimaru voice.

"Huh what's that?" said Naruto (you should have guessed it was him by now)

Sasuke almost fell over before Naruto continued, "Oh yeah, is that the book I wrote for pervy sage because he wasn't helping me with my training?"

"I would assume so. You can't have written very many books during your life," said Sasuke through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, I don't even remember what it was about."

Sasuke did fall over then before hanging up the phone.

Naruto grinned. "Now what should I do with Sasuke's phone number hehe…"

Two weeks later Orochimaru walked up Sasuke with the phone. He looked exasperated. "It's for you Sasuke-kun…again."

"What is it, another fan girl? I still can't believe Naruto gave them all my phone number ," sighed Sasuke.

"Actually no, this time it's your brother…"

"WHAT! Damn that Naruto."

**In case you don't remember, in the episode Please, Mr. Postman, Naruto one of Jiraiya's books for him. Apparently it got published because in episode one of Naruto Shippuden, there was a billboard advertising the book and Naruto's name was at the bottom of it.**


	2. Hinata's Photo Album

One night Hinata was alone. Her father had an important meeting with the heads of their clan, Neji was on a mission, and Hanabi was at a friends house. Hinata, as you can imagine, did not like being left alone in a huge mansion at night and so decided to invite some of her friends to her house for a sleepover.

After watching a movie that Sakura brought, looking at Ino's gossip magazines, and listening to Tenten's retelling of an "incident" involving Lee's spandex, all four girls settled down to go to sleep. They found that impossible, however, because they had just drunk about a gallon of Mountain Dew a little over an hour ago. Finally, Sakura sat up and said what they were all thinking.

"Hinata-chan, I'm way too hyper to sleep. Tell us a story!" she said bouncing up and down a little.

"Yeah, tell us a funny story!" chimed in Tenten.

Hinata didn't really know what to say. She never was much of a talker. "I have a better idea," Hinata said, "I'll show you guys my special photo album, as long as you promise not to tell anybody about it."

"Sure whatever," Ino shrugged.

Hinata left to get her photo album while her friends talked amongst themselves.

" I wonder why she doesn't want us to tell anyone about it?" whispered Tenten.

"It's probably just full of pictures of that idiot Naruto. I mean she does stalk him in her free time you know," shrugged Ino.

"I hope it's not. I already see enough of that baka during missions," this came from Sakura.

Finally, Hinata came back into the living room holding up a pale blue album. On the cover, written in sparkly font were the words **Neji-niisan's Greatest Moments.**

" Hinata don't you think it's a little strange that you have a picture album of your cousin?" Sakura questioned with a worried look on her face.

"Who cares, he's hot! I wanna see," yelled Ino reaching for the book.

"Yeah, I'm kinda curious too. Give it here," said Tenten.

"Aww Tenten has a crush on Neji-kun. That 's so cute," Ino poked Tenten annoyingly.

Tenten just rolled her eyes, " Just give us the book."

"See she's not denying it."

"Shut up Ino."

"Umm guys," said Hinata, "It- it's not really the kind of photo album you're thinking of. I'm n-not a weirdo s-so please don't get the wrong impression."

"Oh, then what are the pictures of?" said Ino

"They're his most embarrassing moments," Hinata giggled.

Immediately all three girls responded with matching grins. "Give us the book," they chimed dragging her down on the couch in between them.

She opened the book and immediately they started laughing their heads off. "What the heck is that on his face," said Ino pointing to the first picture.

" That was what he looked like when he had to get headgear a few years back," Hinata explained.

"Well we'll never know if it worked because he never smiles," said Sakura in between bursts of laughter.

"Oh, and here's one from when he was seven and got gum stuck in his hair. Hiashi had to shave one side of his head."

Tenten flipped the page and almost had a nosebleed, " Why the heck is Neji wearing a speedo? Explain Hinata!"

"Oh yeah, we invited him to the beach with us but he said he didn't have a swimsuit. So daddy took him to the store and made him try some on. This was one he did NOT end up buying, thank heavens."( what I wanna know is how she got into the Men's fitting room to take that picture)

"Umm can I just take this one Hinata?" said Tenten, pulling the speedo picture out of the plastic cover.

"Why, what do you need it for, hmmm Tenten," prodded Ino slyly. "What are you going to do with it."

_I'm going to take it to Office Depot, get it blown up, frame it, and hang it on my bedroom wall,_ Tenten thought. "Umm, for…blackmail of course." Then she turned the page and the subject was dropped. On the next page was a picture of Neji cooking some pancakes that strangely enough, looked as though they were shaped like her head. And the only thing he was wearing were a pair of powder blue, silk (dry clean only) boxers.

"Oh that's a picture of Neji cooking his favorite Tenten shaped pancakes," said Hinata gleefully

"So they were shaped like my head!" yelled Tenten recalling an incident from several weeks ago (see my other Naruto fanfic)

"Oh look, this is my personal favorite!" said Hinata pointing. They all looked at a picture of a very grumpy looking Neji with a very bad case of sun burn. In the middle of his chest was one white spot in the shape of one of the Tenten pancakes. "This happened on our trip to the beach. Neji fell asleep in the sun while eating pancakes."

It was very dark and late at night, but Neji decided to just keep going since he was only a few miles from the leaf village. He was on his way back from completing a solo mission and just wanted to get home. He would turn in his report in the morning since the only thing he wanted to do right now was take a hot shower and go to sleep. Little did Neji know that as of now, his house was being inhabited by a binch of hyped up teenage girls…

Neji walked through the door quietly so as not to wake up his cousin who was supposedly sleeping, but as he made his way towards the living room he heard voices. He stopped to listen. It wasn't exactly eavesdropping, he was just surprised that other people were in his house and awake at this hour.

"Oh and here's one of him drooling in his sleep," that voice was his cousins. What was she talking about? he wondered.

"haha, he looks so funny," and that was Tenten. Hinata must be having a sleepover, but who was the "he" they were speaking of.

"Neji's so uptight all the time, no one would believe he could ever make faces like that," said Sakura, but all Neji registered was his name. Him, drooling? What was going on here?

He walked into the room, "What is going on here?"

Immediately, four guilty faces turned towards him. Hinata tried to hide the album behind her back but he noticed it and took it out of her hands.

"Umm, before you look through that I need something," Tenten said. She grabbed the book from his hands and flipped through it, ripping out all the shirtless pictures of him. Then she handed it back.

Neji scanned through it, his face changing colors from white to red to purple as he grew angrier and angrier. Every single embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him was recorded in this photo album. And he was surpised at how many there were to. Each had its own little caption underneath it such as: **Neji-niisan sniffs his armpit after a training session**, or** Neji-niisan folds my father's undergarments**, or **Neji-niisan gets pummeled by Naruto-kun** ( Kiba took this one since Hinata was passed out during that round of the chunin exams).

Neji looked up, his face full of rage and hate. He opened his mouth to say something, but a bright light flashed in his face. When his vision cleared Hinata, Ino, Sakura, and Tenten hovered over Hinata's camera looking at the newest picture.

"Oooh, that'll make a good addition Hinata-chan," grinned Ino.

Neji closed his mouth, placed the picture album on the coffee table, and went to take his shower. _At least she didn't have a picture of me in that infernal swimwear Hiashi-sama insisted that I try on._

Little did he know that a week later, Tenten hung a five-foot tall version of that dreaded photo on her bedroom wall.

**Tell me if you liked it. Oh and about the incident involving Lee's spandex, I have no idea what it was. If you want to see more stuff involving Tenten shaped pancakes and embarrassing Neji moments, along with other hilarious stuff, then go read my other fanfic Naruto's Guide to Prankpulling. I would draw pictures of the embarrassing Neji photos, but alas the only characters I'm currently good at drawing are Hidan and Haku.**


End file.
